I LOVE this question! Even though it has cost me some friendships and many, many new friendships that would never get past the initial introduction. It's a time saver and a relationship buster. It's the first question I ask when I meet someone. No, I don't ask a person when I meet them if they would like to go to war with me. And no I don't judge on first appearances either. However I can figure out pretty quickly if a person will fit into my mix by this one question.
I found this question in The Vein of Gold - A Journey to Your Creative Heart by Julia Cameron. She says "what an interesting, terrible, useful question!" It is so useful that it never escapes me. The question becomes about discovering if a relationship (friend or lover) will step up to the plate or fit in. The scenarios that Julia brings up is the realization of who would sleep with the enemy? Who would compete and argue about strategy instead of helping get the troops across the mountain? Who would never be able to execute what we planned? And who would want me to carry her pack as well as my own? Some of my own questions are, who needs to be right at any cost? Who would flake out? Who would withhold valuable information or dangle it to keep me inching forward instead of giving it up and being truly helpful? Who will try and fix me or save me from myself?
Seem a little self serving? It is! But what do you want out of life? Do you want to be carrying the whole load yourself? If the relationships in your life aren't balanced than you aren't either. An unbalanced life sucks the creative energy right out of it. And yes we are all creative! That is what humans do. We create. We create our lives on many levels. Just because someone shows up in your experience doesn't mean that they belong there forever. People come and go for various reasons. Discerning whether or not someone will be a balanced participant in your life is a way of nurturing yourself and your creations. It is useful to ask this question over and over. You might have someone in your life that was working out great for a time. Then you sense something has shifted or changed. So you ask again; can I take this person to war? I'm not suggesting that you start to toss people out of your life that aren't always serving your highest good. Sometimes our companions get weak, sick, stabbed in the back and we need to step up to the plate for them or carry them over rugged terrain because they would do the same for us. The question is so powerful that it will change the way you evaluate all of your relationships!
